I think Advent is my newfound favorite time of year in the Church. Lent and Easter are powerful and very very important, but the peace and joy of waiting for the baby Jesus pulls at my heart in a special way.
This year was the first time that I really got the meaning of Advent, thanks to God's grace and my amazing theology classes. It's not just lighting candles on a wreath for a month before Christmas. It's a mindset that we should get into in order to joyfully wait in expectation for the birth of Christ. It's climbing into the shoes of Joseph and Mary and prayerfully experiencing what they experienced.
Mary and Joseph must have felt such a range of emotions during her pregnancy. First, awe. Of God and His plan, of being chosen to be such a huge part of that plan. I'm sure there was awe in their eyes too as they looked down on their newborn son in the manger. Then most likely fear, of wondering if they were really following God's plan and if they would be ok. Fear of physical harm to them and their unborn child. Fear of what the future would hold, of where their son would take them and of what he would be like. I'm sure they also experienced the sting of shame, for they were a bethrothed couple already pregnant. Villagers must have judged them and looked down upon them. This must have been especially painful for Mary, who was spotless and without sin, to be judged as unclean. But they probably clung onto hope and trust- that they were truly waiting for the birth of the Messiah who would save their people. They went through sacrifice on their long journey to Bethlehem, both physical and emotional. Then, finally, I'm sure they had peace. Everything lay quiet that first night in the manger, with the light of the star gleaming down on them and radiating from their son's face, with the angels singing peaceful songs of joy, and with Mary and Joseph looking down on their beautiful sleeping child with love.
Advent is a time for us to focus on some of these emotions. Trust- that we trust the plan God has for us even if we do not know what the future holds or if it does not make sense. Hope- that Christ will come as a bright star in the darkness of our own lives and humanity as a whole to lead us to salvation. Awe- at the sheer ridiculousness of the Incarnation, and how amazing and good our God is to actually become one of us in all things but sin. Peace comes from this silent adoration.
Oftentimes during this Advent, I imagined myself as Mary when she was pregnant. She knew the Savior was inside her, that she was giving life to his humanity. She must have experienced such a bond with Him, such a deep unity. I imagined her silent adoration of her son in her womb, and the peace and joy that comes from that. I then started to feel this same peace and joy, knowing that Jesus is within me too. Instead of in my womb, He's in my heart. I can sit and silently ponder Him just like Mary. Especially in the Eucharist, when He is actually physically present within me. What a gift.
I think that it's no wonder that Jesus came to us as a baby first. He could have just popped up on earth one day as a full grown man if He wanted to. But think about it- babies give unconditional love. They evoke such peace and joy in the hearts of everyone who sees them. Jesus is Love. So it would only make sense that He would become Love incarnate in a baby to show us His love for us.
My favorite moment on Christmas Eve is at night when I'm falling asleep. In my house we put electric candles in the windows during Advent, and from Christmas Eve all through Christmas Day we keep them on. This means that I get to fall asleep in my room on Christmas Eve without having to turn them off. They create such a warm glow in the room, standing out starkly against the black night behind them. As I'm falling asleep I'm filled with a sense of hope and peace. They remind me of Jesus, who came as a light to the world in the midst of its darkness.
It's so sad how everyone is so busy during the month leading up to Christmas with shopping and other preparations that this gift of peace is left unnoticed. This opportunity to ponder Christ and wait for Him with joyful expectation is available to all. But Satan loves to distract anyone and everyone from peace and silence. I think that's why the holidays is such a stressful time for everyone- the true meaning has been lost. We've become so distracted with the things of the world that we forget about why we have this holiday in the first place.
So let's pray to Our Lady of Joyful Expectation and her husband Joseph, that we can all rediscover the peace and joy of Advent in our hearts.
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