"Mary kept all these things, pondering them in her heart." Luke 2:19
I just got back from a silent weekend retreat with my household. It was so amazing and so beautiful. The theme of the retreat was this bible passage above, to imitate Mary in her silent contemplation of her Son. We were so blessed with the opportunity to have Jesus present in the Blessed Sacrament for a full 24 hours in the house we were staying in, thanks to Father Rick. It made the silence that much more full, to be able to sit and gaze upon Jesus the way Mary did all throughout His life.
It would be impossible to adequately describe the peace and sisterhood I felt the entire weekend. I was enveloped in the silence, just me and Jesus, but the house was also filled with 40 other girls. The silence was not awkward or oppressive- rather, it was peaceful and pregnant with God's love and mercy. We built community by sharing the silence together. I still don't know everything about each sister, but I felt like I really got to know who they are as a person just by being with them in silence. A sister later brought up a good point, that our natural ability as women is to understand people better through silence than through talking. It's our God-given gift, and it's how we understand our children as babies. It's how Mary understood the baby Jesus. Silence is not an absence of things, but instead is full of peace and divine communication with God in the heart.
The first night of the retreat I opened up to this passage from Proverbs 1:33: "But he who listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of evil." It was perfect for this weekend, perfect for our household's charism of spiritual warfare. It is in the silence that we can most effectively combat evil, because it's where we find God's peace and truth and love. That's why Satan tries so hard to distract us from this silence- once we're there, he can't touch us. It's harder for him to pull us away from Christ if we have a true, personal, and loving relationship with Him rooted deep in our hearts.
The more our souls are calm, the more we will reflect Christ like the sun on the surface of a lake. If the lake is choppy and there are a lot of waves, the sun will not be reflected. But if the surface is smooth and calm, the sun will perfectly reflect up from the water. It is the same with our souls. If we enter into the silence to calm our souls and detach from the waves of this world, we will more perfectly reflect Christ. Mary is the ultimate example of this, always pondering things in her heart and not letting the confusion or suffering of this world affect her peace.
On Saturday night we had prayer teams and Eucharistic praise and worship. As I was getting prayed over, the theme of light kept coming up. How a flower needs the fullness of the light to grow- it can't stay in the darkness. Many things happened to make this theme of light really stand out to me. We are all made to live in the fullness of the light of Christ because we are sons and daughters of God. If we always recognize this light that lives within us, no matter what suffering we encounter we will always have reason to praise God. We should try to avoid to the best of our abilities situations that starve us of this light, otherwise we will begin to wilt.
On Monday, everyone kept telling me that I looked beautiful or that I was glowing. I certainly didn't look my best- I was sleep deprived and not all dressed up. It was all the inner peace, joy, and love that I gained this weekend shining through to my exterior. I was radiating the newfound peace I had found in the silence. I was radiating Christ. On retreat we talked about why Mary is so beautiful. It is because she loves. It is because she most perfectly reflects her Son in her soul. I was experiencing some of this same kind of beauty. I don't know how long it will last, but I pray if I lose it that I will soon regain it once again.
The readings that day were all focused on the light vs. the dark, on letting the light shine through. I'm still learning what that means for me personally, but know that it's something that God wants to show me. And based on this weekend, I know it's connected to silence. "For you were once in darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord. Live as children of Light." Eph 5:8
"The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is PEACE." -Mother Teresa. It all starts with silence, and ends with peace :)
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Crazy storms and Latin mass
This afternoon was so crazy! A huuuuuuge storm came rolling over the hill right before 4:45pm mass. I was outside talking to my sister on the phone, and noticed these really dark clouds moving pretty quickly towards campus. It started to sprinkle, and in about 10 seconds it had turned into a complete downpour. The wind was especially bad- a huge gust came barreling down the hill between the chapel and the academic buildings, picking up all of the fallen leaves into big whirlwinds. It was intense! God's power is so cool. Luckily I was right next to the chapel and could duck inside really quick.
The sound system in the chapel wasn't working, and the power flickered a few times. It ended up being a low form Latin mass, sung a-capella because there was no microphones or organ or guitar. There weren't a ton of people there, so it was this quiet, peaceful mass said in a beautifully rich language in the middle of a big storm outside. It was so cool, and I couldn't help but thinking that this is what it might have felt like to go to mass in the early Church. The threat of storms and persecutions lurked outside, but nothing could take the peace away from the building or catacomb where the mass was being said.
It really made me realize how alive our Church is- we are saying the same prayers that the 12 Apostles said. Receiving the same Eucharist. Even possibly singing the same hymns. Our Church is not some thing of the past, which we just look at in a historical perspective. It is alive and breathing, right now, and has been for over 2,000 years. I felt some of this same idea when I was researching for a theology paper the other week. I had to interpret a passage in the Old Testament, and was looking through these huge, fat, dusty books that looked like something out of Harry Potter. I felt strangely connected to all of the theologians of the past, who had sat there and gone through the same process as me (except with a lot less resources!). Theology, like the Church, is alive and breathing. Just like Christ is alive and breathing in each one of us.
The sound system in the chapel wasn't working, and the power flickered a few times. It ended up being a low form Latin mass, sung a-capella because there was no microphones or organ or guitar. There weren't a ton of people there, so it was this quiet, peaceful mass said in a beautifully rich language in the middle of a big storm outside. It was so cool, and I couldn't help but thinking that this is what it might have felt like to go to mass in the early Church. The threat of storms and persecutions lurked outside, but nothing could take the peace away from the building or catacomb where the mass was being said.
It really made me realize how alive our Church is- we are saying the same prayers that the 12 Apostles said. Receiving the same Eucharist. Even possibly singing the same hymns. Our Church is not some thing of the past, which we just look at in a historical perspective. It is alive and breathing, right now, and has been for over 2,000 years. I felt some of this same idea when I was researching for a theology paper the other week. I had to interpret a passage in the Old Testament, and was looking through these huge, fat, dusty books that looked like something out of Harry Potter. I felt strangely connected to all of the theologians of the past, who had sat there and gone through the same process as me (except with a lot less resources!). Theology, like the Church, is alive and breathing. Just like Christ is alive and breathing in each one of us.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Poverty
Last night in my sociology class we talked about world poverty. I have seen poverty up close and personal, but some of the statistics my professor gave still blew my mind:
-In the United States in 2008, 13% of all Americans lived under the poverty line. While children make up 25% of the total population, they make up 35% of the poor population. This means that 14.1 million children in America are considered poor.
-Almost half of the world (over 3 billion people) live on less than $2.50 a day.
-The wealth of the 41 poorest countries combined is LESS than the weath of the 7 richest PEOPLE combined.
-1 billion children around the world live in poverty.. which means 1 in 2 children around the world are poor. 640 million live without adequate shelter, 400 million have no safe water, 270 million have no health care, and 10.6 million died in 2003 before they reached the age of 5. That's approximately 29,000 children per day.
-At least 80% of humanity live on less than $10 a day.
-The poorest 40% of the world's population accounts for 5% of global income, which the richest 20% account for 75% of it.
-In the United States, almost 100 billion pounds of food is wasted each year.
This is disgusting. If only we shared what we have and didn't live in excess, maybe the world wouldn't have to be this way. Yes, there will always be people who are poorer than others, but people shouldn't be living in this extreme misery when we are living the way we do here. Hopefully this inspires you to do something.. you don't have to go to another country to help someone. It can be someone in your backyard, at your church, in your town, in a city near you. As the holidays come closer, maybe consider donating some of your time and money to give back to those around you and share with your brother and sisters in Christ.
And, as always, pray for those who have too much and too little. That those with too much will be inspired to be generous, and those with too little will receive what they need to survive. We can even offer little acts like not wasting food, not buying something that you want but don't need, etc. to God as an act of solidarity with the poor. Our prayers can do more than anything!
"Children, it is not I who have brought this darkness over the world. It is you, by your sin and failure to serve. There is enough food in the world. There should not be hunger. Medical care, also, can be spread around in a more effective manner. Humanitarian assistance to your poor and less advanced societies is an act of mercy and those who practice it are following My will, whether they know it or not." -Jesus (Direction for Our Times, Volume I)
-In the United States in 2008, 13% of all Americans lived under the poverty line. While children make up 25% of the total population, they make up 35% of the poor population. This means that 14.1 million children in America are considered poor.
-Almost half of the world (over 3 billion people) live on less than $2.50 a day.
-The wealth of the 41 poorest countries combined is LESS than the weath of the 7 richest PEOPLE combined.
-1 billion children around the world live in poverty.. which means 1 in 2 children around the world are poor. 640 million live without adequate shelter, 400 million have no safe water, 270 million have no health care, and 10.6 million died in 2003 before they reached the age of 5. That's approximately 29,000 children per day.
-At least 80% of humanity live on less than $10 a day.
-The poorest 40% of the world's population accounts for 5% of global income, which the richest 20% account for 75% of it.
-In the United States, almost 100 billion pounds of food is wasted each year.
This is disgusting. If only we shared what we have and didn't live in excess, maybe the world wouldn't have to be this way. Yes, there will always be people who are poorer than others, but people shouldn't be living in this extreme misery when we are living the way we do here. Hopefully this inspires you to do something.. you don't have to go to another country to help someone. It can be someone in your backyard, at your church, in your town, in a city near you. As the holidays come closer, maybe consider donating some of your time and money to give back to those around you and share with your brother and sisters in Christ.
And, as always, pray for those who have too much and too little. That those with too much will be inspired to be generous, and those with too little will receive what they need to survive. We can even offer little acts like not wasting food, not buying something that you want but don't need, etc. to God as an act of solidarity with the poor. Our prayers can do more than anything!
"Children, it is not I who have brought this darkness over the world. It is you, by your sin and failure to serve. There is enough food in the world. There should not be hunger. Medical care, also, can be spread around in a more effective manner. Humanitarian assistance to your poor and less advanced societies is an act of mercy and those who practice it are following My will, whether they know it or not." -Jesus (Direction for Our Times, Volume I)
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Precious Moments/INTENT!
I love precious moments, and this last week has been filled with them. I soaked each one of them in, hoping I will remember them for a long time.
The whole purpose I went home this past weekend was two-fold: there was a goodbye party for my friend Louis, who is one of the co-founders of Mission Haiti, because he is finally leaving for the seminary. After a long wait, he is now able to fulfill his vocation to be a diocesan priest in Haiti. I am so so excited for him and know that with our prayers and God's grace he is going to do amazing things in that little country! The second reason was because two very special Haitians were visiting Connecticut- Louis' brother Manno and Brother Delord, who is the spiritual director for the mission. This was Manno's first time in the United States, and I was so happy for him to finally be able to come here!
Precious moment #1 was seeing Manno and Brother actually standing right in front of me, dressed in warm American clothes, in an American front yard at Louis' party. I couldn't believe it! It was so surreal, almost like a dream. They are Haiti for me, so to see them outside of that context was such a big deal. It was like a piece of Haiti had come to me in the United States! I gave each of them big hugs and we just sort of stood there looking at each other and smiling, everyone in disbelief that this was actually happening.
Precious moment #2 was my parents coming to the party and getting to meet everyone who they've heard so much about. It was so amazing to have them get to experience the world that I've come to love. My passion for Haiti and my passion for my family came together in such a special way and it meant so much to me! I didn't have to choose between the two for this one day- I could enjoy both of them together.
Ashley and I slept over at the house where the party was, and as we were all getting ready for bed Manno came into our room to say goodnight. We asked him to sing us a song to help us go to sleep, and finally got him to sing one of my favorite slow, peaceful Haitian songs. This was obviously precious moment #3. If I closed my eyes and ignored the fact that we were all wearing sweatpants, I could have sworn we were in Haiti. It was so beautiful, and one of the sweetest moments of my life.
After getting back out to Steubenville, I found out that Manno was planning on making a visit here! Precious moment #4 was walking into the JC today after class and seeing him standing there with Katie. He does such a good job of blending in and making it seem like he's always been a student here. Wearing an argile sweater and jeans, it took me a minute to recognize him in the sea of students. We went to mass together and planned out precious moment #5.
Precious moment #5 was having Manno and Katie help me intent to Regina Angelorum last night. At Franciscan, there are things called households. They are sort of like Catholic versions of fraternities and soroities. Each household has a certain charism, and get together throughout the week to pray together, go to mass, and just call each other on to holiness. Regina Angelorum means Queen of the Angels in Latin, and is a household dedicated to Our Lady and the angels- especially St. Michael the Arcangel and our Guardian Angels. They focus a lot on spiritual warfare and imitating our Lady's virtues. I love this household so so much- I love Our Lady, and the spiritual warfare aspect of it really connects with my experiences in Haiti.
To intent to a household is like pledging. You come up with a creative way to tell the girls that you want to join, and then go through a period of prayer and formation as an Intent before you get inducted. I have known for about a week that I was going to intent last night at Rosary, but was still trying to think of how I was going to do it. I wanted to intent in a way that was special and would say something about who I am. Then I found out Manno was going to be here. God hit me with the idea- why not have Manno come and help me?? It would be a perfect way to intent- with someone who is so closely connected to my passion for mission work in Haiti, at my favorite committment so dedicated to Our Blessed Mother.
Manno, Katie, and I got to Regina's common room a little early and sat on the couch. After doing introductions, we stood up and I told the girls that I had brought my Haitian friends who were visiting and that we were going to show them some Haitian praise songs. We sang my two favorite songs, teaching everybody the second one, and then Manno was supposed to start praying in Creole. But he surprised me, and gave a mini talk first in English that was so beautiful and blew me away. Then he started praying and I tried to translate. Emphasize the tried to. At the end, he said in Creole that he wanted to present me to the Angels as their newest intent. I didn't even have a chance to say it in English before Laura Chance screamed out "she's gonna intent!!!!" and everyone went crazy. I took off my sweatshirt that was hiding my intent shirt and gave everyone hugs while they sang and clapped. It was so awesome :)
Then after settling down we prayed the rosary. Just imagine- 30ish girls packed into a room on a Tuesday night, all kneeling/sitting before a statue of Mary and a Crucifix, saying the Rosary. This is why I love Franciscan! At one point I just sat there in complete awe- Emmanuel Descollines, who lives on a mountainside in Haiti, was next to me praying the rosary at Franciscan in the middle of nowhere, Ohio. That just doesn't happen! It was a mini miracle to me, especially how everything came together at the last moment. It was totally due to the intercession of Mary, which made it even more fitting that this all happened at Rosary.
REGINA ANGELORUM, ORA PRO NOBIS!
The whole purpose I went home this past weekend was two-fold: there was a goodbye party for my friend Louis, who is one of the co-founders of Mission Haiti, because he is finally leaving for the seminary. After a long wait, he is now able to fulfill his vocation to be a diocesan priest in Haiti. I am so so excited for him and know that with our prayers and God's grace he is going to do amazing things in that little country! The second reason was because two very special Haitians were visiting Connecticut- Louis' brother Manno and Brother Delord, who is the spiritual director for the mission. This was Manno's first time in the United States, and I was so happy for him to finally be able to come here!
Precious moment #1 was seeing Manno and Brother actually standing right in front of me, dressed in warm American clothes, in an American front yard at Louis' party. I couldn't believe it! It was so surreal, almost like a dream. They are Haiti for me, so to see them outside of that context was such a big deal. It was like a piece of Haiti had come to me in the United States! I gave each of them big hugs and we just sort of stood there looking at each other and smiling, everyone in disbelief that this was actually happening.
Precious moment #2 was my parents coming to the party and getting to meet everyone who they've heard so much about. It was so amazing to have them get to experience the world that I've come to love. My passion for Haiti and my passion for my family came together in such a special way and it meant so much to me! I didn't have to choose between the two for this one day- I could enjoy both of them together.
Ashley and I slept over at the house where the party was, and as we were all getting ready for bed Manno came into our room to say goodnight. We asked him to sing us a song to help us go to sleep, and finally got him to sing one of my favorite slow, peaceful Haitian songs. This was obviously precious moment #3. If I closed my eyes and ignored the fact that we were all wearing sweatpants, I could have sworn we were in Haiti. It was so beautiful, and one of the sweetest moments of my life.
After getting back out to Steubenville, I found out that Manno was planning on making a visit here! Precious moment #4 was walking into the JC today after class and seeing him standing there with Katie. He does such a good job of blending in and making it seem like he's always been a student here. Wearing an argile sweater and jeans, it took me a minute to recognize him in the sea of students. We went to mass together and planned out precious moment #5.
Precious moment #5 was having Manno and Katie help me intent to Regina Angelorum last night. At Franciscan, there are things called households. They are sort of like Catholic versions of fraternities and soroities. Each household has a certain charism, and get together throughout the week to pray together, go to mass, and just call each other on to holiness. Regina Angelorum means Queen of the Angels in Latin, and is a household dedicated to Our Lady and the angels- especially St. Michael the Arcangel and our Guardian Angels. They focus a lot on spiritual warfare and imitating our Lady's virtues. I love this household so so much- I love Our Lady, and the spiritual warfare aspect of it really connects with my experiences in Haiti.
To intent to a household is like pledging. You come up with a creative way to tell the girls that you want to join, and then go through a period of prayer and formation as an Intent before you get inducted. I have known for about a week that I was going to intent last night at Rosary, but was still trying to think of how I was going to do it. I wanted to intent in a way that was special and would say something about who I am. Then I found out Manno was going to be here. God hit me with the idea- why not have Manno come and help me?? It would be a perfect way to intent- with someone who is so closely connected to my passion for mission work in Haiti, at my favorite committment so dedicated to Our Blessed Mother.
Manno, Katie, and I got to Regina's common room a little early and sat on the couch. After doing introductions, we stood up and I told the girls that I had brought my Haitian friends who were visiting and that we were going to show them some Haitian praise songs. We sang my two favorite songs, teaching everybody the second one, and then Manno was supposed to start praying in Creole. But he surprised me, and gave a mini talk first in English that was so beautiful and blew me away. Then he started praying and I tried to translate. Emphasize the tried to. At the end, he said in Creole that he wanted to present me to the Angels as their newest intent. I didn't even have a chance to say it in English before Laura Chance screamed out "she's gonna intent!!!!" and everyone went crazy. I took off my sweatshirt that was hiding my intent shirt and gave everyone hugs while they sang and clapped. It was so awesome :)
Then after settling down we prayed the rosary. Just imagine- 30ish girls packed into a room on a Tuesday night, all kneeling/sitting before a statue of Mary and a Crucifix, saying the Rosary. This is why I love Franciscan! At one point I just sat there in complete awe- Emmanuel Descollines, who lives on a mountainside in Haiti, was next to me praying the rosary at Franciscan in the middle of nowhere, Ohio. That just doesn't happen! It was a mini miracle to me, especially how everything came together at the last moment. It was totally due to the intercession of Mary, which made it even more fitting that this all happened at Rosary.
REGINA ANGELORUM, ORA PRO NOBIS!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Clouds
Apparently God wanted to teach me so much through airplanes this weekend! On my way back to Steubenville from Connecticut, it was raining once again. But not as hard, thank God, so the plane ride wasn't as bumpy. And it was during the day, which always makes everything less scary.
As we were taking off, it was very dark and cloudy. We steadily climbed through the clouds, until eventually we broke through. Up above the wall of dark clouds that was below us the sun was shining brilliantly. It was so beautiful. But of course the people couldn't see that from down on the ground- all they could see were the clouds.
I totally related this to God- above the stormy clouds of life that we all experience, there's a sun (God) that's always shining no matter what. We can't see Him through the clouds, but we have to believe that He's there anyways. This is what it means to have faith. To believe without seeing. This is also why we should praise God even in the midst of the worst storms of our life- because even if we can't see Him, He is there shining in all of His glory and splendor and deserves our praise.
This experience reminded me of a metaphor that St. Therese uses in her Story of a Soul, in the form of a little bird:
"The little bird...with daring abandon wants to stay fixed on its Divine Sun. Nothing could frighten it, neither wind nor rain, and if dark clouds come to hide the Star of Love, the little bird will not change its place. It knows that above the clouds its Sun is always shining, that its brilliance will not be able to be eclipsed for one single second.
Sometimes, it is true, the little bird's heart finds itself assailed by the storm. It seems to it that it cannot believe that anything else exists than the clouds that are enveloping it...the imperfect little creature lets itself become a little distracted from its only duty. It takes a little seed from the right or the left, runs after a little worm...Then, encountering a little puddle, it gets its feathers wet, feathers that have scarcely been formed. However, after all its misadventures, instead of going to hide in a corner to weep over its misery...the little bird turns towards its beloved Sun. It presents to Its kindhearted rays its little wet wings. I have the hope that one day, my Adored Eagle, You will come to get Your little bird, and going back up with it to the Home of Love, You will plunge it for eternity into the burning Abyss of Love."
As we were taking off, it was very dark and cloudy. We steadily climbed through the clouds, until eventually we broke through. Up above the wall of dark clouds that was below us the sun was shining brilliantly. It was so beautiful. But of course the people couldn't see that from down on the ground- all they could see were the clouds.
I totally related this to God- above the stormy clouds of life that we all experience, there's a sun (God) that's always shining no matter what. We can't see Him through the clouds, but we have to believe that He's there anyways. This is what it means to have faith. To believe without seeing. This is also why we should praise God even in the midst of the worst storms of our life- because even if we can't see Him, He is there shining in all of His glory and splendor and deserves our praise.
This experience reminded me of a metaphor that St. Therese uses in her Story of a Soul, in the form of a little bird:
"The little bird...with daring abandon wants to stay fixed on its Divine Sun. Nothing could frighten it, neither wind nor rain, and if dark clouds come to hide the Star of Love, the little bird will not change its place. It knows that above the clouds its Sun is always shining, that its brilliance will not be able to be eclipsed for one single second.
Sometimes, it is true, the little bird's heart finds itself assailed by the storm. It seems to it that it cannot believe that anything else exists than the clouds that are enveloping it...the imperfect little creature lets itself become a little distracted from its only duty. It takes a little seed from the right or the left, runs after a little worm...Then, encountering a little puddle, it gets its feathers wet, feathers that have scarcely been formed. However, after all its misadventures, instead of going to hide in a corner to weep over its misery...the little bird turns towards its beloved Sun. It presents to Its kindhearted rays its little wet wings. I have the hope that one day, my Adored Eagle, You will come to get Your little bird, and going back up with it to the Home of Love, You will plunge it for eternity into the burning Abyss of Love."
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Guardian Wings
This weekend I flew home from Steubenville to see some very special people who were visiting from Haiti. More about that in another post. Right now I want to talk about the craziest night of flying I've ever had in my life.
The cheapest flight home I could find (a week in advance, mind you) was a flight from Pittsburgh to Hartford with a stop in Washington, DC. From Pittsburgh to DC I was on a little commuter jet, and from DC to Hartford was on a huge airbus. I was getting really nervous because of the huge storm that hit the northeast Friday night, right when I was scheduled to fly. Not just any little rainstorm, but like a mini hurricane.
Unbelievably, my flights weren't cancelled and I took off out of Pittsburgh on-time with only a slight drizzle. About 10 minutes into the 45 minute long flight we started to shake. And bounce. A lot. We bounced from side to side and up and down the entire time. I think there was a slight nose dive at one point. It felt like the clouds were tossing our little plane around like a toy. I had never ever experienced turbulence this bad, and I was convinced at moments that we were going to die. I had my rosary clutched in one hand, and my other hand was either gripping the armrest or my stomach, depending on the moment. Everytime the light on the end of the wing blinked, I could see the rain flying past the plane in horizontal sheets due to the high winds.
But God was with me in so many ways. The guy diagonally across from me pulled out his rosary as we were taxi-ing out, which was such a nice surprise because he was a nicely dressed business man and I honestly didn't think he would be religious. The people across from me were Christian and were writing down notes while reading a Bible. The girls behind me were talking about Catholic school and patron saints, which still comforted me even if it sounded like they didn't have the best opinion of it. I was surrounded by a bubble.. it was like God was telling me He was right there with me.
I prayed my rosary as we were taking off, but as the shaking got worse I really started to pray to my guardian angel. All of a sudden I got this image of him under the tail of the plane outside my window, wearing goggles and a pilot's hat. He was holding the plane up as he flew, smiling a goofy grin at me with a thumbs up. It was like he was saying "What an adventure! Enjoy the ride, I've got your back." He just wanted me to trust and relax. In fact, all of our guardian angels on that flight were holding up the plane.
After picturing this, I did give myself over to God and my angel in trust for a good part of the flight and felt myself calm down a little. When the small nose dive happened though, I freaked out and didn't trust. But it's ok because I was still learning, and after the plane righted itself I went back to trusting. We finally landed, praise God! Walking through the airport in DC, I couldn't help but smile. I felt so happy, so free. I had just felt what it was like to surrender all to God and not have fear (for fleeting moments, anyways). And I was on my way to see some of my favorite people in the world. So why not smile with joy?
The cheapest flight home I could find (a week in advance, mind you) was a flight from Pittsburgh to Hartford with a stop in Washington, DC. From Pittsburgh to DC I was on a little commuter jet, and from DC to Hartford was on a huge airbus. I was getting really nervous because of the huge storm that hit the northeast Friday night, right when I was scheduled to fly. Not just any little rainstorm, but like a mini hurricane.
Unbelievably, my flights weren't cancelled and I took off out of Pittsburgh on-time with only a slight drizzle. About 10 minutes into the 45 minute long flight we started to shake. And bounce. A lot. We bounced from side to side and up and down the entire time. I think there was a slight nose dive at one point. It felt like the clouds were tossing our little plane around like a toy. I had never ever experienced turbulence this bad, and I was convinced at moments that we were going to die. I had my rosary clutched in one hand, and my other hand was either gripping the armrest or my stomach, depending on the moment. Everytime the light on the end of the wing blinked, I could see the rain flying past the plane in horizontal sheets due to the high winds.
But God was with me in so many ways. The guy diagonally across from me pulled out his rosary as we were taxi-ing out, which was such a nice surprise because he was a nicely dressed business man and I honestly didn't think he would be religious. The people across from me were Christian and were writing down notes while reading a Bible. The girls behind me were talking about Catholic school and patron saints, which still comforted me even if it sounded like they didn't have the best opinion of it. I was surrounded by a bubble.. it was like God was telling me He was right there with me.
I prayed my rosary as we were taking off, but as the shaking got worse I really started to pray to my guardian angel. All of a sudden I got this image of him under the tail of the plane outside my window, wearing goggles and a pilot's hat. He was holding the plane up as he flew, smiling a goofy grin at me with a thumbs up. It was like he was saying "What an adventure! Enjoy the ride, I've got your back." He just wanted me to trust and relax. In fact, all of our guardian angels on that flight were holding up the plane.
After picturing this, I did give myself over to God and my angel in trust for a good part of the flight and felt myself calm down a little. When the small nose dive happened though, I freaked out and didn't trust. But it's ok because I was still learning, and after the plane righted itself I went back to trusting. We finally landed, praise God! Walking through the airport in DC, I couldn't help but smile. I felt so happy, so free. I had just felt what it was like to surrender all to God and not have fear (for fleeting moments, anyways). And I was on my way to see some of my favorite people in the world. So why not smile with joy?
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