Silence

"Mary kept all these things, pondering them in her heart." Luke 2:19


I just got back from a silent weekend retreat with my household. It was so amazing and so beautiful. The theme of the retreat was this bible passage above, to imitate Mary in her silent contemplation of her Son. We were so blessed with the opportunity to have Jesus present in the Blessed Sacrament for a full 24 hours in the house we were staying in, thanks to Father Rick. It made the silence that much more full, to be able to sit and gaze upon Jesus the way Mary did all throughout His life.

It would be impossible to adequately describe the peace and sisterhood I felt the entire weekend. I was enveloped in the silence, just me and Jesus, but the house was also filled with 40 other girls. The silence was not awkward or oppressive- rather, it was peaceful and pregnant with God's love and mercy. We built community by sharing the silence together. I still don't know everything about each sister, but I felt like I really got to know who they are as a person just by being with them in silence. A sister later brought up a good point, that our natural ability as women is to understand people better through silence than through talking. It's our God-given gift, and it's how we understand our children as babies. It's how Mary understood the baby Jesus. Silence is not an absence of things, but instead is full of peace and divine communication with God in the heart.

The first night of the retreat I opened up to this passage from Proverbs 1:33: "But he who listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of evil." It was perfect for this weekend, perfect for our household's charism of spiritual warfare. It is in the silence that we can most effectively combat evil, because it's where we find God's peace and truth and love. That's why Satan tries so hard to distract us from this silence- once we're there, he can't touch us. It's harder for him to pull us away from Christ if we have a true, personal, and loving relationship with Him rooted deep in our hearts.

The more our souls are calm, the more we will reflect Christ like the sun on the surface of a lake. If the lake is choppy and there are a lot of waves, the sun will not be reflected. But if the surface is smooth and calm, the sun will perfectly reflect up from the water. It is the same with our souls. If we enter into the silence to calm our souls and detach from the waves of this world, we will more perfectly reflect Christ. Mary is the ultimate example of this, always pondering things in her heart and not letting the confusion or suffering of this world affect her peace.

On Saturday night we had prayer teams and Eucharistic praise and worship. As I was getting prayed over, the theme of light kept coming up. How a flower needs the fullness of the light to grow- it can't stay in the darkness. Many things happened to make this theme of light really stand out to me. We are all made to live in the fullness of the light of Christ because we are sons and daughters of God. If we always recognize this light that lives within us, no matter what suffering we encounter we will always have reason to praise God. We should try to avoid to the best of our abilities situations that starve us of this light, otherwise we will begin to wilt.

On Monday, everyone kept telling me that I looked beautiful or that I was glowing. I certainly didn't look my best- I was sleep deprived and not all dressed up. It was all the inner peace, joy, and love that I gained this weekend shining through to my exterior. I was radiating the newfound peace I had found in the silence. I was radiating Christ. On retreat we talked about why Mary is so beautiful. It is because she loves. It is because she most perfectly reflects her Son in her soul. I was experiencing some of this same kind of beauty. I don't know how long it will last, but I pray if I lose it that I will soon regain it once again.

The readings that day were all focused on the light vs. the dark, on letting the light shine through. I'm still learning what that means for me personally, but know that it's something that God wants to show me. And based on this weekend, I know it's connected to silence. "For you were once in darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord. Live as children of Light." Eph 5:8

"The fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is PEACE." -Mother Teresa. It all starts with silence, and ends with peace :)